As a child I was unintentionally taught that my needs didn't matter. I learnt that the most important thing was to not "rock the boat". Keep my opinions to myself. If I had something important to say, just don't, push it down and away...it's better not to cause a stir.
This is not a blame game. I understand my parents were doing the best they could with what was modelled to them. As children we tend to view our parents like superheroes and it's not until we get older we realise that they are in fact just humans, like everyone else and us.
During childhood I also adopted an unhealthy coping mechanism of 'if everyone else it ok, then I was too'.
Where is this going?.....well, my psychologist asked me what my needs were? After a long pause I came up with nothing. I actually had no idea? Apart from basic human needs; food, water, shelter, money, safety I didn't have a clue. I had never thought about it, I had never taken the time to ask myself. Wasn't it selfish to have needs?..."no", my psychologist replied. "No, it's not". Also whilst we are on this topic there is nothing shameful in seeing a psychologist. It is incredibly helpful.
Right now the world has slowed down due to covid 19. A lot of us have a lot more time on our hands. More time for reflection and a perfect time to ask ourselves what our needs are and if they are being met?
This can be quite confronting especially if you're like me and hadn't ever given it a single thought. It also forces you to look at areas in your life where you are allowing your needs to go unmet and therefore not living as your authentic self.
So how do we address this? Honestly it's really difficult. A great place to start is listing your needs. An account I find extremely helping in understanding this more is 'The Holistic Psychologist'. You can find her on instagram here or her website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com
I would love to hear if you have any thoughts on this? and of course I welcome comments on all of my blog posts.
Catherinemary x
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