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Why is vulnerability so scary ?

Why is everyone so afraid of being vulnerable when it helps others so much?! Also why is it so flipping scary to be vulnerable?

I personally am terrified of being vulnerable and it's something I'm consciously working on. If you have not already listened to Brene Brown's TED Talk on vulnerability do yourself a favour and listen here.

I take great interest in learning about human behaviour and emotions. They way in which we relate to each other and also the way society has molded us. I love reading and listening to people's stories. The challenges they have faced in overcoming adversity and the lessons learnt along the way. Give me a self help book & a podcast discussing emotions and I'm hooked. I have decided to share what I'm reading/listening to and where I am at with my current journey of understanding myself. We are bombarded with so much information on social media I would like to provide information that will hopefully be helpful to others as it has been for me. I will be including personal examples but also quotes, podcast suggestions and books that have been beneficial to me. I will be sharing these posts in the 'well-being' section of the blog.

I thought it fitting to start with vulnerability as that is indeed what I am doing posting my thoughts on the internet. Totally opening myself to judgment and criticism. However, I am feeling a call to write and so, I am. I accept I may be disagreed with but I am open to the possibility that this may actually help at least one other person, and that will make it worth it.

The following is taken from an article written by Lisa Fritscher.

Building walls creates a safe space into which you can quickly retreat, but it also blocks the flow of energy and love in both directions. It's easy to become trapped behind your own emotional defences, unable to give or receive positive emotions as well as negative ones. This in turn leaves many people feeling isolated and alone. The fear of vulnerability is ultimately a fear of rejection or abandonment. To combat the fear of vulnerability, you must first learn to love and accept your whole, authentic self.

Loving ourselves is one of the toughest lessons we will ever face. We all have flaws, imperfections, embarrassing stories and past mistakes we wish we could forget. We are insecure, awkward and desperately wishing we could change certain things. That's human nature. But the trick is to realise that everyone feels this way. No matter how successful, how beautiful, how perfect someone appears, they have the very same awkwardness, insecurity and self doubt.

My take from this is that by developing a strong sense of self you will no longer need to rely on others to define your self-worth or give you validation. You will be able to share vulnerable parts of yourself and your experiences to help others without the fear of judgement. I believe learning to love yourself requires an investigation into your experiences from birth and questioning your belief system which was installed by your parents or caregivers. It is also the acknowledgement that we are in fact human. We make mistakes and we can't see into the future to predict the outcomes of the decisions we make. I often find it's so much easier to forgive other's for their mistakes than forgive our own. I wonder why that is?

Think of a time when someone has had a profound positive impact on you. It could be through a book, a conversation, someone sharing their story (the bad and good), someone expressing to you how they truly feel . These are moments that require vulnerability and think of how much good this has done. To realise you are not alone in how you feel.

Being vulnerable is so hard but also one of the bravest things you can do! I encourage you to start knocking down walls instead of building them....and don't forget to listen to that TED Talk :)

Catherinemary x



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